Do you ever wonder why you aren’t achieving what your friends are?

Why you haven’t been able to finish writing that book, or taken the vacation you dreamed of or grown your business fast enough?

Everyone feels this way, even those we admire and adore.

I have a friend who just started a fitness business.  As she talked about the many marketing steps she needed to do to grow her business, tears started streaming down her face, because she was overwhelmed with all the work ahead of her.  She’s a mother to small children and has very limited time, but she’s passionate about her business.

The pressure to get it all done, right now, is so great!  

We see what our peers are achieving, and we wonder “What’s wrong with me that I can’t get everything done?”

At the bottom of this post, I give you ideas on how to lighten the pressure, so keep reading!  But first, I have to ask this:

WHY AREN’T YOU AWESOME?!

If you read as many blogs as I do, you’re seeing this message all too often:

The claim that the key to success is to Be Awesome!

Some of the most popular bloggers claim that’s their route to fame.  ”Write awesome content, create awesome art, be extraordinary and people will buy from you and you’ll be swimming in the glory of awesomeness.”

Damn, that’s a lot of Malarky!

Most of us are just living our lives the best we can.  And now the pressure to be “awesome” is so great, we don’t know if we are good enough.

How, exactly does one arrive to the state of being awesome?  Are you born with it?  Can you buy it or train for it?  And how do you know when you become it?

There is a big problem with striving for awesome, and it’s this:

One person’s idea of awesome is different from another. 

I can’t be the marketing genius Scott Stratton or the lovely art business guru Alyson Stanfield, because I’m Maria Brophy.  It’s futile for me to attempt to do the things I’m not cut out for.  I can only be myself.

I, for one, am tired of striving for awesome.  So I’m taking a break from being awesome for now and I’m going to wallow in being just a little better than mediocre.  And I’m going to enjoy every second of it!

OTHERS AREN’T AS SUCCESSFUL AS YOU THINK

Drew always says “Everybody thinks everybody else is doing better than they are.  In truth, everyone is just trying to figure it out.”

A guy walked into our studio last week.  He was a fan of my artist husband, Drew.   He looked around at the paintings and the many licensed products with Drew’s art displayed on the walls and said “I’m so jealous; you guys are killing it!”

Later, Drew and I laughed about that.  We hear this sentiment often.  To people on the outside, it appears as though we are wealthy.

Though we are happy, we are not where we want to be financially.  Our studio is too small, our income has taken a hit by the economy, and we are working hard to reach the next level of success.  There are many roadblocks we have to break through.

Sometimes we beat ourselves over the head for not having accomplished more by now.  We see other entrepreneurs who are doing so much better, and we ask “why not us”.

And then we have to slap each other back into reality.  Drew will remind me of this:  We have our health.  We live in a beautiful beach town.  We surf when we want.  We are happy.

Success is a feeling more than a number.  If you feel poor, you are poor.  If you feel rich, you are rich.

I know a guy who is a multi-millionaire.  One day he was berating himself and was depressed because he had only amassed $18 million.  Most of his friends were worth double that number.  He felt like a failure in business.  (True story)

And I know people who live very simple lives and feel rich.  They aren’t worried about being awesome or impressing anyone.   They are perfect just as they are.

Here’s a few ways to lighten up on the pressure and help us realize that we are perfect just the way we are:

LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD

Don’t expect so much from yourself.  Keep moving forward, but don’t kill yourself.   Focus on that one thing that’s going to make a huge difference in your career.   Let everything else wait.

TAKE A LOT OF BREAKS

Go on vacation, have fun, exercise.  Laugh a lot.  Your work will be greater inspired when you are enjoying yourself and are well rested.

FOCUS ON YOUR MOST IMPORTANT WORK

Stop trying to do EVERYTHING!  Instead, choose 2-3 of the most important things that you can focus on right now.  Then do them to completion and do them well.

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

“What’s wrong with me?”  Is the question we should never ask.

Instead, ask “What is one thing that I can do right now, that I can focus on completely, get it done, and feel good about it.”

CHUNK IT DOWN

Is a big project looming over your head?  Take one step at a time and Chunk it down!  If you have a big thing to do, be it learning French or marketing a new business or painting a new collection, do this:

Break it down into chunks.  Make a list of all the things you need to do.  Choose the first step, and work on that first.  Then, move onto the next, and then the next.

ENJOY

Relax, enjoy all that you are doing.  Don’t allow the feeling of pressure take away the joyful process of learning, creating and building something.

I hope I’ve inspired you to stop striving for some arbitrary idea of “awesome” and instead do the best work you can, on your own sweet time.

Please, comment below.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.  It would be awesome if you did!

Maria xxoo

.Similar Posts:

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Garden of the Gods, Colorado

Often, we worry that we haven’t accomplished much.  But, when we look back on it, we are surprised to find that we actually did get some important projects completed, that we did some fun things and that we cultivated some great memories with those we love.

Grab a piece of paper and take a few minutes to write down some of the things you accomplished in 2011.  Include not just work projects, but fun things that you did, places you went and people that you became friends with.

And then, after you write it down, put your arms around your back and give yourself a pat.  You deserve it!

When December came I was feeling as though I didn’t do enough.  There were goals that I didn’t meet.  I was being very hard on myself.  In many ways, 2011 was a real challenge for our business.  But then Drew reminded me of all the things that I did in the year, and I realized that I am truly living my dream life, even when my business is going through a rough patch.  If there’s one thing that I’ve figured out in my life is this: how to live the lifestyle I desire.

When you read my list below, you will quickly discover my top priority in life.  Let me know what you think it is in the comments!

Here’s a list of my highlights of 2011, focusing mostly on the fun stuff:

Consulting:  I had never planned to do any consulting, but this year I decided to give it a try.  And the result was that this past year I worked with dozens of artists to help plan their art licensing program or to solve a business deal they were having trouble with.

WHAT I LEARNED:  That I love helping artists navigate the world of business deals. It’s my gift and it comes very naturally to me.

Business:  2011 was my most challenging year since we’ve been in business because art sales and licensing royalties plummeted due to the economy and other factors.  There were months where I was truly concerned about how we were going to make it.  But we always came through and we refused to let the worries keep us from living the lifestyle we love.

WHAT I LEARNED:  You have to just roll with the punches.  Tighten your belt (spend less).  Make it happen.

The rest of this recap is 100% positive, and you’ll wonder how in the world we managed to do all this when we were having a challenging year financially.  The answer is this:  we don’t let anything stop us from living a great life!

TV Show:  My dream of getting The Paint Shop on the air came to fruition in February of 2011.  It was a blessing and a curse, because it was a dream come true, and at the same time, I suddenly was working 16 hour days for months on end!

WHAT I LEARNED:  Producing a TV show is a full time job x 2.  There’s no time to run your business while producing a show – this is partly why our sales fell this year.

My Blog:  The year started with me writing 2-3 posts a week.  Then I ran out of steam for writing once The Paint Shop was being produced.  Eventually, I got out of the habit of writing weekly and started posting monthly.  This made me feel bad, like I was neglecting my blog.  This year I plan to write once a week again.  Hold me to that, will you?!

WHAT I LEARNED:  To accept that I can’t do everything perfect all the time, and its okay.  My readers will stick around and still love me, right?

HAWAII:  Went to the North Shore for Drew’s 40^th birthday.  We had a great time surfing and hiking, even though we got caught up in the Tsunami warning and were evacuated in the mountains for 24 hours!

WHAT I LEARNED:  It’s scary up in those dark mountains in the middle of the night.  Next time, be prepared with plenty of water and food.

FLORIDA KEYS:  A month later I went to the Keys in Florida, a place I’ve always wanted to go.  It was my sister’s birthday and we had a blast.  Spent time checking galleries in Miami and drove Alligator Alley so that I could see alligators in the wild….

WHAT I LEARNED:  If you’re a beach girl, the Florida Keys may not be for you.  The beaches are almost non-existent.  Crazy, but true.

RIVER RAFTING:  In July I flew to Spokane then drove to Montana with a friend to go rafting down the Blackfoot River in Montana.  It was crazy because we were in great danger, not knowing that the river was running high and we were completely unprepared.  We had a few near-death experiences that day.  We had a great laugh after we lived through it!

WHAT I LEARNED:  It’s stupid to think that a river is always the same.  It changes year to year and if someone tells you it was calm last year, look into the conditions before you go.  It’s like the ocean; it changes every day.

 HIKED MT. WHITNEY the tallest mountain in the lower 48 states, in August with a group of hikers.  It took us 23 hours – we did it straight without camping over night.  It was more physically difficult than giving birth.

WHAT I LEARNED:  That you can overcome your fear of heights when forced to, and that I am a bad-ass!

SPENT 3 WEEKS IN MYRTLE BEACH, SOUTH CAROLINA:  In August and I got a lot of paddle boarding and kayaking in.  Spent quality time with family and yes, I was working while I was there.  Thank God for internet connections!

WHAT I LEARNED:  That I can go to the beach every day, all day, and still get work done on the side.

WROTE A BOOK:  I teamed up with Tara Reed and wrote HOW TO UNDERSTAND ART LICENSING CONTRACTS in November.  I was very proud that I got that done – it was hard work.

WHAT I LEARNED:  That Tara Reed is an amazing woman – she got her part of the book written in one week.  Mine took 2 months.  And here’s the lesson:  We all work at different paces, and its okay to take your time, as long as you meet your deadline (which I did).

BOULDER COLORADO:  In November we drove to Boulder to watch my son receive an award at the Boulder Film Festival for his work in a film called Playgrounds Re-imagined.  It was the first ever award given to a child at that festival for “Most likely to save the world.”  (You can watch his hilarious acceptance speech here!)

Along the way we visited Arches National Park, Great Dunes Park, Garden of the Gods and many other great places.

WHAT I LEARNED:  Never drive through a massive snowstorm on regular tires.  We almost got stuck driving over a mountain pass.

LEANIN TREE LICENSE:  While in Boulder we met with Leanin Tree and signed a license deal for Drew to have his art on their wonderful greeting cards.

WHAT I LEARNED:  When you make the effort to meet with the people you want to do business with, you’ll eventually get the deal. 

QUIT A BAD HABIT:  In November Drew and I finally quit drinking wine.  Since the late 1990’s, we have lived like Europeans, having a bottle of red wine with dinner every night.  It was a hard habit to break.  Now that we have stopped drinking daily (we did have wine on New Years and Christmas) we both lost weight, saved a ton of money and feel great.

WHAT I LEARNED:  Once I put my mind to something and commit, I can do it.

ADDED A NEW HABIT:  After many past attempts, meditation is now a part of my life.  Just like brushing my teeth, I don’t have to try to remember to do it or to fit it in.  Meditating is part of my daily routine, and my loving attitude and peacefulness is the result.

WHAT I LEARNED:  Developing a new habit takes doing it over and over again, for months, until it becomes second nature.

Jumbo Rock, Joshua Tree

JOSHUA TREE: Our last fun trip of the year was to Joshua Tree National Park, land that looks like another planet.  We did some rock climbing and camping and it was great to end the year that way.

2012 PLANNING:  I always wait until after the holidays to plan out my new year.  That’s why you haven’t seen a post from me on that topic yet.  But it’s coming.

And I don’t consider it late; I think it’s good to get well rested and enjoy your holidays fully before putting on your thinking cap.  I’ll share with you in the next post how I plan for a new year and suggestions for how you can do it, too.

How about you?  Have you sat down and written all the fun things you’ve done, or your big accomplishments this past year?  

Try it – you’ll be amazed at all you did.  And you’ll be that much more excited about 2012!

Here’s to a great new year for all of us!

Maria xxoo

PS:  One of the first things I’m doing in 2012 is speaking at the SmARTist Summit.  It’s a one-week online seminar with some of the top art business experts – put your name on the list to get information by clicking here!Similar Posts:

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“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”  Burton Hills

We allow so many pressures on ourselves during the holiday season.  We are expected to be like everyone else: to attend all of the parties and gatherings, to bake cookies, to buy gifts for everyone in our life, to spend money we just can’t afford to spend.  We jump through hoops to please everyone.

I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t have to be like this.  You can have a very joyous, stress-free holiday.  Your friends will be envious, and they will want to know why you aren’t wigging out like they are.  ”You look so calm” they’ll say!

Here’s the secret to a Stress-Free Holiday:

Stop doing what stresses you out.  Stop doing what causes you to worry.  Start doing what brings you joy.  

A friend came by yesterday; her son was playing with my son, Dylan.  She said “Oh, I forgot to ask you what I should get Dylan for Christmas!”

And there it was; that uncomfortable moment that I go through every year.  It’s the moment where I have to break the news to someone that I’m just not that kind of girl.

“I don’t do gift exchanges.”  The rehearsed lines came out smoothly, though I still felt the awkwardness of the possibility of being judged for being “different.”

Years ago, I changed my approach to Christmas so that I could have a peaceful holiday.  One important change was that I stopped exchanging gifts with everyone except my husband and my son.

I don’t exchange gifts with my best friend Bridget, or my lovely sisters, not even my mother.

Here’s why:  The thought of shopping during Christmas season gives me hives.  I’m itching right now just thinking about the noisy, packed malls and money spent on useless items.

Christmas used to be a dreaded season in my earlier life.  First, there was the corporate gift exchange (back when I had a real job).  Then, I had to shop for my family who was far away in Maryland.  Once I got the gifts, I had to box and then ship them, waiting in long lines at the Post Office.

Like most people, I felt the pressure to remember to get a gift for every acquaintance in my life; the preschool teacher, the neighbor, the friend of a friend.

I found myself dreading the Christmas season.  It was just too much to handle.

One year I got so fed up I said NO MORE!  I decided to put an end to the madness.  I began by telling everyone I knew that I was giving up gift-giving.

There was resistance.  I was accused of being a Scrooge.  Some friends told me I was selfish, that gift-giving is a joyful thing.  But I quickly learned how happy I could be without the stress of shopping and going into debt.

And now, years later, the people in my life accept it.  They finally got used to it.  And maybe it took some pressure off of them, too.

Sometimes people still get me gifts, and when they do, I politely accept it and say “thank you.”

I never get stressed at Christmas time anymore.  Now, it’s my favorite holiday and I look forward to it and it’s the most fun I have all year!

Here are a few tips for you to have a truly joyful Christmas Season:

CUT BACK ON GIFT GIVING:  Start small this year (and cut back more each year); begin by only buying gifts for your family and telling everyone else that you aren’t exchanging gifts this year.

Leo Babauta of Zen Habits has a great article on why he stopped exchanging gifts called The Case Against Buying Christmas Presents.

I’m not advocating cutting out gift-giving completely; just pare it down to a manageable, and ENJOYABLE process.  Look, if you aren’t enjoying it, then should you be doing it?!  Do you really have to buy the daughter of the Aunt of the preschool teacher a gift every year?  I mean, come on!  Take it easy on your time and your wallet!

SECRET SANTA – One way to get your family to help in this process of cutting back on buying too much for too many:  Ask them to do a “Secret Santa” every year.  This is where you put all the names of the family in a hat, and each person picks one name of one person they will buy for.  This way, you are buying one very nice, special gift for one person, rather than a bunch of stuff for everyone in the family.   My in-laws do this every year and it’s great fun.

ONLY GO TO PARTIES THAT WILL BE FUN FOR YOU:  So you’ve been invited to a dozen parties, some of which are being thrown by family members that you don’t even like.  Don’t go.  Opt out of the events that won’t be joyful for you.  You won’t be doing anyone a favor by showing up and then being unhappy.  Suddenly be busy, politely back out.  You can’t waste your life doing things that are supposed to be fun, but aren’t.

STOP BEING SO PERFECT!  You don’t have to be perfect.  Just because someone else expects you to be the best gift-giver (some husbands feel this immense pressure), that’s that person’s own deal.   Or your best friend is a great baker of Christmas cookies and you aren’t.  Do what you do best, whatever that is.  You are already perfect just as you are.  Release the need to be something you’re not.

DROP THE “HAVE TO” and FOCUS ON JOY:  Do what brings you joy.  Don’t do what’s expected by others.  If you are married and both sets of in-laws are demanding your time on Christmas, and you and your spouse really just want to go hiking or surfing on Christmas, than do what will make you happy!  Your family will have to accept who you and eventually, they will respect that.    Make time for them later, or a day earlier if need be.  But don’t spend your entire Christmas day driving from family to family, exhausting yourself along the way.

GIVE THANKS:  Be thankful for all the wonderful things in your life.  If you love where you live, embrace that.  If you are lucky enough to have a special someone to love, appreciate that.  If you have a lot of friends that are good to you, thank them for that.  Look around at what you have and love it, enjoy it, be thankful for it.  Feel  joy and appreciation; these feelings are the cornerstone to a beautiful holiday and a happy life.

GIVE:  Instead of buying a bunch of gifts for acquaintances, give to the truly needy.  There are loads of homeless children that will never see Santa this year.  Find your local church or organization that gives to these children, and donate.  Or volunteer at a local soup kitchen.  These are acts that will give greater joy than buying your neighbor another box of chocolates.

LIGHTEN UP!  Not only should others lighten up on you, but you should, too.  Give them a break, those people in your life who aren’t living up to YOUR expectations.  Give them more love, understanding and forgiveness.  Allow them to be who they are.  Your life will be much easier when you take  this approach.

You have the freedom to enjoy your holiday any way that you want.  Break free of the expectations of others, and find joy in your own way.  Be happy.

For me, I will be at the beach on Christmas day. That’s been mine and Drew’s tradition for many years.  Praying for surf…

I wish you a joyful season.  Give love, lighten up on yourself and others!

And spread peace.

MariaSimilar Posts:

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Screen Shot from The Paint Shop Episode 2

“I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can’t stop eating peanuts.”  Orson Wells

Usually I write articles that are helpful to the creative and the self-employed.  This time, though, I’m going to share with you my latest project, The Paint Shop TV Show.

I came up with this crazy idea for a tv show based on the happenings in and around the studio of my husband, Drew Brophy.  He was not excited about it at first.

I distinctly remember Drew saying:

“I don’t want to be on tv and look like a goon!” or something like that.

But, he’s a smart man, and he eventually gave into me and agreed to give it whirl.

It’s ironic that we have been without television for six or seven years.  I just got tired of the tv being on all the time, so I cancelled our cable.   Our son has grown up without it, which I admit is very strange.

But, I understand the power of media.  And so I pursued the making of The Paint Shop.

It was about three and a half years ago when we first started working on the production of this show.  We knew nothing about producing a show, so we felt it was best to team up with someone who did.

We found producer/director Brian ILL, who was a big fan of Drew’s, and the three of us formed a plan for The Paint Shop.  Brian had a lot of experience from working on The Discovery Channel, and he was a work-aholic like we are – so it was a perfect match.

When our show first hit the airwaves, it was surreal. Drew and Dylan and I had to go to a friend’s house to watch it on the night it premiered.

Recently Brian and I were talking about how amazing it is that we got this far. Then Brian said to me,

“Do you realize that most people are not crazy enough to work this hard to do this?!”

Looking back at all the sweat and tears (and money) it took for us to make this show a reality, I had to agree. But it was all worth it.

The show has evolved quite a bit over the years, and now that we are on air, I see so much that could be improved on it!  I am my own worst critic – however, it’s what keeps me wanting to get better and better with each episode.

You can see a big improvement in watch-ability from Episode 1 to 2 and then from 2 to 3 in the quality of production.  We just keep getting better.

I am very proud to say that we air in 4.2 million households in California and Arizona!

Above is a link to Episode 3, which is in full HD on Vimeo.  I hope you’ll watch it, and if you have a Vimeo account, leave us a comment!

Maria

PS:  Visit The Paint Shop Facebook Page and Like it if you like it!Similar Posts:

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Photo (c) Rebekka Gudleifs

“Tolerations weigh us down; they keep us stuck and prevent us from getting on with our life and moving forward.” Peggy Porter

I stumbled upon a great article by Peggy Porter about how tolerating big and little things in our lives can drain us of our good energy and keep us from moving forward.

It reminded me of a decision I made a few years ago not to tell nay-sayers my big dreams

I grew tired of people telling me that I “can’t” do something.  The final straw was when a close friend, a chronic naysayer of anything good, attempted to crush a dream of mine.

I had enthusiastically told her about my wild idea to create a television show based on the happenings in the surf art studio of my husband, Drew.

“You’ll never get a show going about Drew.”  The naysayer said, cooly.

“But other people do it, even a skateboarder who’s still in high school.  Why not us?”  I said, defending my idea.

“Because you don’t know anything about tv.  You don’t even know anybody in Hollywood.”  The naysayer rested her case.

She almost had me.  There was a split second where I agreed with her – what the hell did I know about producing a television show?  Who in the world did I think I was?

But then I came to my senses, and I made two decisions:

1.)     To stop spending time with naysayers; and

2.)     To only share my big ideas with people who think big

Being the stubborn Slovakian that I am, I refused let her get me down.  I began a three and a half year quest to get my show on the air.  Now, The Paint Shop is enjoyed by 3.5 million households, and that number grows every day.

There are roadblocks and attitudes that we should never tolerate, if we are to be happy, thrive and do what we were meant to do in life.

It’s easy for people to get under our skin, put us down, and convince us that we aren’t good enough to carry out our dreams.  After all, we have our own doubts, anyway.  It’s hard enough convincing ourselves.

Below is my list of the top offending tolerations and roadblocks to happiness and success.

NEGATIVE PEOPLE:  It’s very important to clear out the negative people from your life.  Their feelings and thoughts are contagious. Your life is too precious to pollute it that way.

If you have family members that you love that are negative, than limit your time with them.  You can still care about them and check in with them every now and again, but keep it to a minimum.  That way you can’t be affected by their darkness.

MISERY:  Unless you are a certified Psychiatrist, you can’t help people if they aren’t willing to help themselves.  You know that friend of yours that always has things going wrong?  Deep down inside she enjoys the drama.  Don’t get sucked into it.

DREAM CRUSHERS: These are the people who stomp your new ideas!   They may be well meaning, but they don’t know what they are talking about.

Be polite, but replace your time with them and spend it instead with like-minded folks who will uplift you and your ideas and who want to see you grow.

COMPLICATED LIVING:  Don’t tolerate being shackled to big bills for materials things that don’t matter.  Over-extending yourself keeps you from getting the real gold.

There are big things you want to do with your life!  Write that book, produce that video, take a year to explore Italy.

If you have a large mortgage or car payment, and you over-spend, you are not in a position to take risks where it really matters; investing in doing what you love.

It’s easier to take risks when you have less to lose. Keeping your expenses and your obligations to a minimum allows you to be open to doing that which is important to you.

My big project this year is our television show.  It is actually costing us money to get this on the air.  Production costs are very expensive, and until we get picked up by a major network, we are footing the bill (with some help from sponsors).

If we had a large mortgage, a swanky art studio space and big expenses, we wouldn’t be in a financial position to take a risk with this project.

By keeping our expenses low and not spending like crazy, we are able to take the risk to invest in our future without starving.

JUDGEMENT:  Don’t tolerate being judged by others.  You are perfect just the way you are, skinny legs and all.  There are 6 billion people on this planet, and we all have a different point of view.

At the same time, allow others to have their own opinion and accept it, even if you don’t understand it.  You will form tighter relationships with family, customers and neighbors taking this approach.

ROADBLOCKS:  Tolerating roadblocks can really slow us down – some are big, some are small.  Examples of roadblocks are:

• Using outdated equipment that causes inefficiency;
• A broken lightbulb, making it hard to see in your workspace;
• Lacking technical knowledge on how to get something done but putting off learning it;
• Keeping a bad employee, accountant or attorney that you can’t get the nerve to “fire”;
• An old website which looks like it was designed when Pat Benetar was popular!

Make a list of all of the roadblocks that are keeping you from getting things done, from being efficient or doing the best you can in your life, and then one-by-one, eradicate them!  You will be energized and free for more growth.

So I have to ask you, what have you decided to stop tolerating in your life? Please, share in the comments!

Maria xxoo

(Photo credit:  The Amazing Rebekka Guoleifsdottier)

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“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.”  Audre Lorde

Drew and I were driving up to San Francisco when I received a blog comment from a reader that hit me like a punch in the stomach.

I admit, I have a very soft spot that needs to toughen up.  Criticism eats me alive.

It put a damper on my day because the reader, Anthony, totally misunderstood my message.  And that’s my fault, as a writer.  Now I worry that others might misunderstand as well.

After my nine year old put in his two cents (keep reading for that), I was compelled to write this follow-up post to clear things up.

Anthony mentioned how he appreciates my blog but was critical of my BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE post.  He wrote:

“…as an artist who is working on becoming one of these self existing entities, your post came across as privileged, out of touch, and even a little condescending.

Obviously many other people are really excited about your story and what it means for them. Unfortunately, the  parts of this post that spoke to me were “six figure income” and “Drew had been a professional artist his entire life…”

He was referring to my personal story on how I went from working a corporate job I didn’t like; to creating a job doing what I love in the art world.

I went out on a limb when I wrote that post.  It was difficult because I bared a lot of personal information.

And what was most disappointing was that someone would see me as privileged!  It means I’m not doing my job as a writer.  I’ve not made myself clear.  So here goes:

Far from privileged, my first job was at 14, cleaning houses.  I had to pay my way for everything, including my cap and gown rental so that I could graduate from high school.

It took years for me to stop thinking that Happiness is a Four Leaf Clover…

I dreamed of living at the beach in California and eventually made my way there, across the country, a few years after high school.  After 15 years working a good-paying job that I did not care for I finally created an existence that is off-the-charts joyful.

Now  I work with my husband and do what I love:  travel, write, manage Drew’s art career and spend as much time as possible with my son.

Everything I have I created for myself.

If I can do it, without a good upbringing, money or college degree, anyone else can, too.

My message was one of hope, not bragging.  And I’m so sorry if it came across otherwise.

On the other end of the spectrum, I received a slew of mail from people telling me that my post gave them hope and some said it inspired them to do what they’ve been putting off for many years.

Anthony questioned why I felt the need to mention that I earned over six figures in my old job and that it was probably easy for me to quit because I most likely had money saved up.  Wrong – it’s just the opposite.

The more money you make, the harder it is to leave a job you don’t like.

The money is an anchor, the benefits are chains.

I felt the need to mention money because I wanted to inspire others who were in similar situations.

I wanted them to know that it’s possible to make that big of a leap; to go from making a lot of money to making nothing, and then build it back up again.

When I opened the email containing Anthony’s comment, we were driving North on the 5 freeway.  I said out loud in the car, to Drew, defending myself:

“I wrote those details about the money and our lives because I want people to know that we are just normal people, with normal problems.  That we had to make things happen for ourselves because no-one else was going to.”

“I want people to know that it wasn’t easy, but it was great.  And it’s still not easy.  Every day I question what I’m doing, and if it’s the right thing.  But I’m doing what I love now…”

Emphatically, I added, “I just want people to know that they can do it, too.”

From the back seat my nine year old son, Dylan, piped into the conversation.

“Mom, then why didn’t you just write THAT?”

Sometimes kids are so brilliant.  Why don’t we just say what we want to say, without writing more than we need to?

So, here’s my message, short and simple:

I want everyone to know that they can design a lifestyle that they love, no matter what obstacles there are.

Here’s the most important part (please take note of this):

There’s nothing extraordinary about me or Drew.  We had no help from anyone.  We had very little money in the bank when I jumped out of the corporate world and into the art world.  Neither one of us finished college.  We are not Stephen Hawking smart.  There is absolutely nothing for us to fall back on.  (And that’s the really scary part, if you let it scare you.)  But we did it anyway, because we decided to live life on our own terms.

I’m telling you this (again) because I want you to know that if you want to, you can create your own possibilities, too. You can create the life that you dream of.  No matter what that is.

The first thing to do is to decide what a great life FOR YOU looks like.  (It’s different for everyone.)

You don’t have to follow my path, but please, follow yours.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Maria xxoo

PS:  The start of a New Year is the perfect time to spend a few hours thinking about what you want from your life.  Not goal setting, but life-setting.  Dream up the dream for yourself.  And then see what happens.

Need a kick-start to help you design the lifestyle of your dreams?  Get my LIVING THE DREAM 32 page e-book at the Store.  Or, get it free just by signing up for my awesome newsletters!

“Anybody who writes doesn’t like to be misunderstood.”  Norman MacCaig
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Thank you!

“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”  Walt Disney

In the movie “The Castaway,” Tom Hanks’ character confides that while he was marooned on an island for all those years, he almost gave up hope.

But he just kept breathing and going.  And one day the tide came in and brought him a sail.  That sail was brought to him in the form of the trashed side of a port-a-potty.

You never know when the tides going to bring something wonderful to you.  Sometimes it will arrive disguised as disaster or grief.

Often it ends up being the answer to something you’ve been asking for.

Now, I’m not stuck on a deserted island right now, but I feel like I am.  My life has been turned upside down.  I can’t get any work done, I’m losing Twitter followers and I’ve been forced to write this on an old clunky laptop belonging to my nine year old.

It’s my computer that’s causing all of this strife!  It’s broken, and it’s rendered me helpless.  (And my PC repairman says he can’t figure it out…)

In difficult times we have to remind ourselves of the following truths:

It’s not the end of the world

Everything is going to be okay, and;

In the end, this is going to show itself to be for the better.

One great thing about getting older is that you learn how to handle adversity.

And more importantly, you come to realize that when disaster strikes, it often ends up being for the better.

You look back later and say “Thank you, God!  If that horrible thing hadn’t have happened, I wouldn’t be in the great place that I am now!”

I came to realize the beauty of disaster long after my first marriage dissolved.  It was a very happy marriage, or so I thought.  I believed it was forever.  Then, just a few years after saying “I do” he had an affair and ended the marriage.  And I was devastated.

I became sick and depressed.  I lost so much weight that my clothes didn’t fit.  I believed that my life was over.  There was nothing left for me.  Eventually, I moved to San Clemente and started a new life to begin my healing.

That’s where I met Drew, the man who showed me how to live the life of my dreams.  The year was 1996.  And here we are, still happily living an amazing life together.

The point of all this is:  Thank God my first husband ended the marriage.  Or I would have never known that it was possible to live doing what I love and traveling the world with my loving, peaceful family.

Yet, at the time of the divorce, I couldn’t see that there was any possibility of happiness in my future.  I was blind to the reality that better things were ahead.

There have been countless events that seemed awful or frustrating at the time, but ended up being a blessing:

• When Drew broke his face on the reef surfing Pipeline and was unable to work his job in Hawaii, he was forced to move to San Clemente and make a big change.  It was that move that led him to his success in art (and to me).
• When the V.P. of the company I used to work for relentlessly harassed me (I now thank him for making it easy for me to quit my job in insurance)
• When Vans turned us down to be a sponsor for Drew’s PAINT PEN TECHNIQUES DVD (Converse ended up being sponsor and we formed a strong working relationship with them.)
• When we convinced the CEO of Nirve Sports to let us shoot a video at their headquarters and during editing found that the sound hadn’t worked.  We didn’t dare ask to re-shoot – we were forced to come up with a solution.  (We covered it with a voice-over, and found that it was so much cooler than the original sound!)
• When I got stuck in Bangkok for a week and was forced to explore the city alone.  (It became one of the most memorable trips I’ve had.)

Really, the list could go on for pages.  Just about every single difficult event has ended up being a good thing in the long run.  Usually, though, I don’t see the wisdom of the situation until much later, when I look back on it.

Now, I’m not sure why my computer problems are happening.  My Toshiba laptop is only a year old.  Maybe the cosmic wisdom here is that it’s forcing me to organize my contacts and my back-up systems.  Maybe I’ll switch to a Mac and that will open a lot of new, creative outlets for me.

I’m not sure what it is, but I’ll let you know when I figure it out.  In the meantime, I’m not going to let it ruin me.  I’m just going to roll with it and know that it’s just a bump in the road!

Maria xxoo

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“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”  Epictetus

WORKING FOR THE WRONG PEOPLE, DOING THE WRONG THINGS, FOR THE WRONG REASONS:

In my former life, I worked for the wrong people, doing the wrong things, for all the wrong reasons.

For fifteen years I slaved in the insurance industry earning six figures pushing an intangible product.

Let me confess this right now:  Never once during my childhood did I declare “One day I dream of sitting in a cubicle and selling paper called insurance.”

Selling insurance was meaningless to me.  And the people at the company I worked for were not the kind that I would ever spend time with on the weekends.  I didn’t fit in with them.

Why did I waste the best years of my life working in the wrong job?

Because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.  The money was damn good.  And at the time I didn’t know that it was possible to do what made you happy for a living.  I really just didn’t know.

Fast forward to now.  I am living my dream life doing what I love.  I earn my living by sharing my husband’s art with people that enjoy it, I get to write about the things I’m passionate about and I travel anytime I want.

As a matter of fact, I’m posting this while we are driving from Southern California to Seattle, Washington, and we are visiting artist friends like Katie Staib and Tara Reed along the way.

Here’s the ironic part:  I’m not earning the six figures that I did when I sold insurance.  But my life is so much richer.

BREAKING THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE (OUT OF THE CORPORATE WORLD):

When I met Drew in 1996, he taught me that you can create the life you dream of.  It took years for me to put that idea into action for myself, because it just seemed too good to be true.

Before our wedding day in June 2000, we wrote out what we wanted our lives to look like.  It was simple:

Have a family business, surf when we want, travel the world visiting friends and family, and have a child that goes everywhere with us.

There was only one thing that held us back from that dream life:  My corporate job.

Drew had been begging me for years to work with him full-time.  “It will be great, Maria.  All of our energy and work will be for our family.”

I kept telling him “Maybe next year.”  I was afraid to leave the money, the health benefits and the paid four week vacation.

It was fear that held me to a job that I didn’t love.

Finally, a fight with a boss gave me the courage to quit.  The Vice-President at the insurance firm was a misogynist and criticized my every move.

One day he tried to embarrass me in front of my colleagues.  Until then I had taken abuse from him for many years.  But on this day, I had enough.  I held my ground and intelligently told him off in front of everyone.  His eyes bugged out of his head, fists pounding on the table!  How dare a woman stand up to him like this!  He threw a temper tantrum and stormed out of the meeting.

The next day I resigned.  Drew danced around the room when I told him that I finally quit the “job” and was now going to do work that I was meant to do.

(If I ever see that Vice President again, I’m going to shake his hand and thank him for pushing me into the wonderful life I now have!)

STARTING FROM NOTHING

Going from six figures to zero was hard for me.  I need money and security to feel content.  I don’t do well with uncertain cash flow!

However, I committed to making it work.  I had no choice – it had to work.

My new job was to expand on the marketing and sales of Drew Brophy’s artwork.  Drew had been a professional artist his entire life, so he was already earning enough to support himself.  My task was to increase that income to supplement mine!

This is where the adventure began.  I had no road-map, so I had to figure it out myself.

WHAT YOU FOCUS ON EXPANDS

We focused on expanding original art sales as well as the licensing of Drew’s artwork.  I signed up for LIMA’s one-year Licensing Academy program and got educated on art licensing.

We exhibited at the License show, sent out quarterly postcard mailers, and I made weekly sales calls to our target companies.

Slowly, we added to our licensing deals and Drew’s original art sales increased.

With me handling all of the business, Drew was able to focus entirely on painting.

With better planning, and the two of us completely focused on our business, we made great strides.

OUR DREAM LIFE

The day I quit working in the wrong job was the day we started living our dream lifestyle.

It might seem crazy, but six months after I quit my job (and we were essentially broke), we took a month long vacation in Australia.  Drew insisted that “This is the life we want to live.  What are we waiting for?”

We took Dylan, who was just a toddler at the time, and explored the coastline of Australia.  Drew found work painting surfboards in Byron Bay, and we met surfers who hooked us up with their vacation homes for free.

Since then, every year we take a month or two to explore parts of the world that we haven’t been.

I’ve learned not to worry about the money – it all works itself out.  (As long as you’re smart about it…but that’s another post for another day…)

MAKE ROOM FOR WHAT YOU WANT

You cannot have what you want when you put energy into the things you don’t want.

Let’s say you dream of being married, but you’re with the wrong person.  Every day that you spend with the wrong person, you’re cutting off your chances of meeting the right person.

The same logic goes with working in a job that you don’t love.   Every day that you waste in that job, you are putting off doing what you do love.  You are missing out on honing your skills and possibly even be killing a creative part of you that is meant to be.

HOW TO BREAK THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE

If you’re stuck doing the wrong job for the wrong people and you yearn for a happier, healthier lifestyle, plan your escape!

Life is too long to be living a lifestyle that you don’t want to live.

What you do, every day, is what makes you who you are.  (I chose to be the traveling surfer girl rather than the insurance person!)

Here are some steps to help you:

• DECIDE what it is you want to be doing.  If you aren’t sure, take notice of the things you love, things you’re good at, and what you’re drawn to.
• LEARN about how others are doing what you want to do.  The internet is a cornucopia of information; find blogs and articles to help in your research.
• DROP THE FEAR and allow nothing to hold you back.  Fear is the bane of all great things…
• PLAN your escape!  Do it in steps, or do it NOW.  Or pray to be laid off.  Sometimes that’s a blessing in disguise.
• COMMIT yourself to your plan.
• ENJOY your life immensely.

Please let me know in the comments what problem you may have had with “breaking through”, or if you have successfully created a life you love, share how you did it!

This blog post is one part of six on this topic.  Please visit the other five entries by these elite bloggers, who also “broke through to the other side”:

• Persist The Blog
• Lillyella
• Working Artist Journal
• Miss Mindy
• Artist As Brand

Maria xxoo

(To learn more about how to “break through” and live your dream life, stay tuned for my e-book titled LIVING THE DREAM – BREAK FREE FROM THE STATUS QUO AND CREATE YOUR DREAM LIFE.  If you sign up for my Awesome Newsletter, you’ll get a copy of it for free!)Similar Posts:

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