“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.” Sylvester Stallone
I received an e-mail from an artist pleading “How do I deal with Rejection? If one more gallery tells me no, I’ll quit being an artist and do something I hate.”
Those of you feeling rejected: you are looking at this all wrong. People are not rejecting you. It’s not about you or your art at all. It’s about them.
Stop what you’re doing right now and change the channel in your mind. Rejection doesn’t exist in the sense that you think it does. If you can change the way you SEE being told “no” than you can cope with it and even thrive from it.
REJECTION IS AN ILLUSION. IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
Remove the word “rejection” from your vocabulary and replace it with “deferred.” Deferred has a much better sound to it, doesn’t it? It means that you are being postponed, delayed, temporarily put off.
You told your mother, “I went into a gallery and was deferred.”
“Oh? What do you mean?” She asked, curious.
“They said they weren’t interested. So I’ll defer my approach with them for now and look for other opportunities.”
Every NO is temporary. The NO turns into a YES when the timing is right. It’s up to you to still be there when that happens.
Being deferred (formerly known as “rejection”) is not personal. The person telling you “no” just doesn’t need what you are offering at that time. It DOES NOT mean that your art isn’t good. The best of the best of the best in this world get denied.
Sometimes, the people you approach just have too much to choose from. They aren’t ready for you yet.
Often, people just don’t GET what it is you do or what you’re about. Most people are not visionaries, so you can’t blame them if they don’t recognize your ideas or your art as the next earth shattering thing.
The Beatles were turned down by nearly every record label in Europe before landing a record contract with EMI in 1962. Everyone said they wouldn’t make it.
J.K. Rowlings, author of the wildly popular Harry Potter series, was turned down by more than a dozen publishers before she got the first book published. (You know they are all kicking themselves now!)
It’s painful to be told that your art or your manuscript isn’t wanted. The word “no” cuts like a knife right into your healthy psyche. Chews you up and spits you out. Makes you feel less worthy. Bitter.
But, what if we are misinterpreting rejection? What if being rejected is just an ILLUSION. It doesn’t really exist. Just like good and bad in the practice of Buddhism, rejection exists only in your untamed mind.
Our minds make up all sorts of nonsense that we seem to have little control over. If we let it run loose, our creative brains will make up crazy stories about evil people who have done us wrong by telling us “no” and how they ruined our careers and how they are hateful and blah blah blah. It can get out of control if we let it. I blame that untamed mind-monster on being human.
Creative people can practice how to tame the mind-monster by learning from others. Here are some of the lessons I’ve taken away from other professions:
IT TAKES MANY NO’S TO GET A YES: In the life insurance world of cold calling sales, insurance salesmen know that for every 9 hang-ups and “no thank you’s”, they will get that one golden “yes.” The most wealthy insurance salespeople are the ones that don’t take “no” personally. They see each NO as a pathway to the one person who will sign on the dotted line.
NO DOESN’T MEAN NO; IT JUST MEANS NO FOR NOW: Many years ago we approached Wham O’ to license Drew’s art for their boogie boards. They said no. A year later we tried again. They said no. The third year they finally said “yes.” It was the right timing for them. Thank goodness we didn’t give up after two tries. I learned a valuable lesson from that – don’t give up. Keep following up. “No” only means no for right now, no matter what they tell you.
TAKE A “NO” AND ASK “WHAT CAN I DO BETTER”? When someone turns you down, instead of putting your head down and crying on the walk to your car, stand up straight and ask “do you have any suggestions on what I could do to make this work for you? What changes could I make, if not for you, than for the next person I approach with this?” Some people will be helpful and give you suggestions on what changes you need to make, if any.
COUNT EVERY REJECTION AS A NOTCH ON YOUR BELT: Writers know that every rejection letter that they receive gets them closer to a book deal with a publisher who will say “yes.” Some writers look forward to their “no” letters. It’s a rite of passage for them. (Check out 30 FAMOUS AUTHORS WHOSE WORKS WERE REJECTED REPEATEDLY)
NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS: When you are told no, accept it graciously and thank them for their time. Do not get angry. Maintain a good relationship with people. Like our Wham O contact who turned us down year after year; we kept in friendly contact and eventually we got the deal.
KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE GOOD AT: Tim Burton, the hugely successful film director, producer and artist has had more of his films rejected by studios than accepted. He will work an entire year on a film, only to be told that it won’t be produced. Does he quit? No, he moves onto the next project and starts working again. He accepts this as part of the process and it has never stopped him from plugging along.
SOMETIMES A “NO” IS A GOOD THING – IT OPENS OTHER DOORS: Three years ago I produced a DVD called “Paint Pen Techniques with Drew Brophy”. Looking for sponsors, I approached the shoe company Vans to have Drew paint their shoes in the video in exchange for sponsor dollars.
They said NO! I was so disappointed, and deflated I thought for sure they’d think it was a great idea. Then we asked Converse, a company that’s about 8 times larger than Vans, and to my happy surprise, they said YES. The beautiful thing is that it led to an even better opportunity – a licensing deal for Drew Brophy Chuck Taylor Collection. A disappointing NO turned into a wonderful deal with a larger company.
REALIZE THAT YOU DON’T FIT IN EVERYWHERE / FIND YOUR OWN PEOPLE: One thing I’ve had trouble with at times is not being accepted into certain groups. Once we were told that Drew wasn’t “hip” enough to be a part of an art show that had a lot of “hip” artists in attendance! That hurt, ouch, but it helped me to understand that our persona is not going to be a match with everyone. We have our people, and they love us. And the other people, well, they have their own thing that we just don’t fit with. And that’s okay. We all have to find the people that get us, that understand what we are doing, and that appreciate it.
You are worthy, your creations are worthy, and there are many opportunities just lining up to accept you and your art right now. Don’t give up when you’re deferred with the word “no.” Remind yourself that sometimes it takes quite a few to get to a yes.
“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.” Bo Bennett
PS: Artist Joanne Mattera wrote an excellent post on dealing with rejection. Here’s her post titled REJECTION, DEAL WITH IT!
Maria xxoo
